Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

Ways To Look For The Best Apartment

Sunday, September 5th, 2010

Searching for an apartment can be a long and stressful process. No one enjoys going through the motions of finding something, but it’s simply something that we all must put up with as we search for our new home. There’s really isn’t a way out of the stress of the search since there is so much out there.

These days a lot of apartment complexes have pictures and video of their apartments available online. It is better to actually see the potential apartment in person in case there are so things you may not be able to see from pictures.

Someone else may not see things that your eyes would see and their idea of a nice space may not be yours. It’s best to see the potential apartment yourself so that you can see if it will fit your personal needs. The following are a few tips to assist in your search.

Narrow your search by price while searching the many online sites equipped for rental searches. It should be easy to filter this out once you’re on a site that allows you to search by range, and you should take advantage of this capability.

Next figure out how much you can afford to pay per month even before starting your search. You should not go beyond this amount while looking at potentials.

Once you have your budget set then you should start listing the things that essential in your potential apartment. Make note of amenities you are looking for and the ones you are not looking for.

Once your list is set, start searching. It may then be necessary to narrow your search to the top options and set up appointments so that you can see the apartments in person.

You should be ready to compromise on certain things so that you are sure to find a potential place. If some things aren’t as important to you in your apartment, then you should consider revising your search. Otherwise, it may be a little difficult to find everything you want in an apartment.

Check out more of this writer’s tips regarding things including signature rubber stamp and wholesale picture frames.

Three Steps To Take To Get Back With Your Ex

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Breaking up stirs up different emotions which may sometimes make the person feel confused. Often times, the person feels sad and down. Then, they start to feel the urge to go back.

You know that there will be many times you’ll want to beg them to come back regardless of whether it was you who broke it off or if it was your lover. You’ll find that you’ll be willing to accept anything and obsess about how to get back with your ex when you are still in love.

However, this is always true. We frequently do things contrary to what we really feel. Now, remember this! Even if you miss so much your ex, even if you are crying too much just to win him back, never, never do it.

Looking desperate in seeking your ex’s attention after the break up will surely irritate your ex, driving them away even further. Going crazy will also not improve the situation. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Stop all communication with your ex. Let them be free to find themselves in the process. If your ex still has feelings for you, then this period may make them miss you so that they will be lead to decide to go back.

Step 2: Move on. Accept everything. By heartily accepting what happened it will help you to easily recover your right mind and heart.

Let your ex go. You were alive before you were in the relationship, convince yourself, no matter how hard, that you are still alive. Go out with people and enjoy yourself. Don’t mope!

Step 3: You plan for the first meeting you may do after the break up. Think of something where you could possibly meet and what words you will say or things you will do when you meet each other again. In this way, you can definitely comprehend or tell their feelings towards you whether you still have the chance of being together again.

Apply these following steps to help you win back your ex again..

Besides relationship advice, this writer additionally regularly blogs on the pampers cruisers size 4 and the pampers cruiser size 3.

How To Get Into A Relationship

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

Relationships are really what makes the world go ’round, aren’t they? I mean, good, positive, healthy and meaningful relationships provide us with the richest experiences we have here on this old earth of ours. Your loving spouse who shares everything with you; that best friend who connects with you like few others do; the people at work who appreciate you and help you to become the best that you can be; This is what brings joy to life!

But… relationships can also be the bane of our existence! What really brings more pain in this life than a broken relationship, especially when it isn’t just broken but downright ugly!

So, it behooves us to do all that we can to keep our relationships zipping right along, doesn’t it? If we put our very best into our relationships we can almost guarantee getting the very best out of our relationships!

Through the years I have spent hundreds of hours working with people in their relationships: Marriages, friendships, working relationships and social relationships. Through it all I have seen some wonderful things and some terrible things. It truly is the good, the bad and the ugly!

But I have been able to find three core elements of successful relationships. These are things that, when done over time, begin to create for you the kinds of relationships that you truly desire. They are the kinds of relationships you have always dreamed of.

The key to remembering these three items is the acronym Z.I.P. Z.I.P. stands for three things you can do – and begin to do immediately – to improve any and all of your relationships. They are:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships. Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these three:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. By Zest, I primarily mean fun. Relationships were meant to be fun! We wouldn ‘t have been made with the capacity to have fun if relationships weren’t supposed to have a little zest in them!

Think about it: Don’t you usually start out most healthy relationships with a lot of fun times. Whether it is going out to dinner or a ballgame, or spending time playing a game or even just a lively talk, you usually have fun as a major part of the relationship. Fun is some of the glue that bonds the relationship.

Read my latest articles on Share a Bit of Your Soul When You Kiss the One You Love and do check out my website for my other Relationships Articles .

How To Get Into A Relationship

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

Relationships are really what makes the world go ’round, aren’t they? I mean, good, positive, healthy and meaningful relationships provide us with the richest experiences we have here on this old earth of ours. Your loving spouse who shares everything with you; that best friend who connects with you like few others do; the people at work who appreciate you and help you to become the best that you can be; This is what brings joy to life!

But… relationships can also be the bane of our existence! What really brings more pain in this life than a broken relationship, especially when it isn’t just broken but downright ugly!

So, it behooves us to do all that we can to keep our relationships zipping right along, doesn’t it? If we put our very best into our relationships we can almost guarantee getting the very best out of our relationships!

Through the years I have spent hundreds of hours working with people in their relationships: Marriages, friendships, working relationships and social relationships. Through it all I have seen some wonderful things and some terrible things. It truly is the good, the bad and the ugly!

But I have been able to find three core elements of successful relationships. These are things that, when done over time, begin to create for you the kinds of relationships that you truly desire. They are the kinds of relationships you have always dreamed of.

The key to remembering these three items is the acronym Z.I.P. Z.I.P. stands for three things you can do – and begin to do immediately – to improve any and all of your relationships. They are:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships. Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these three:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. By Zest, I primarily mean fun. Relationships were meant to be fun! We wouldn ‘t have been made with the capacity to have fun if relationships weren’t supposed to have a little zest in them!

Think about it: Don’t you usually start out most healthy relationships with a lot of fun times. Whether it is going out to dinner or a ballgame, or spending time playing a game or even just a lively talk, you usually have fun as a major part of the relationship. Fun is some of the glue that bonds the relationship.

But as life goes on, specifically in a marriage, but in all relationships really, the fun starts to go by the wayside. More and more it is about getting the job done, whatever the job may be.

To restore the relationship, to put a little zip into it, we need to reintroduce the idea of “zest.”

What about you? Have you lost the zest? What can you do to get it back? Think of a specific relationship you have: What were the fun things you did at the beginning of the relationship that acted as the glue that bonded you together? Now, commit to doing those again and see if your relationship doesn’t begin to soar again! If you can, develop new fun things to do together so you can both start an adventure of fun together!

Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.

First a couple of clarifications: One, I don’t just mean intimacy in the currently common understanding, that is, sexual intimacy. I mean for all intents and purposes, taking your relationship to a deeper level. Second, I don’t mean that you have to start doing group hugs with your workmates or having revelation sessions where the tissue flows freely.

What I do mean is that every relationship that is mutually satisfying has a level of depth to it that provides meaning. This is really what the search is for in our relationships: meaning.

Remember when you first started your relationship, whether with your spouse or friend. All of that time was spent opening up, telling who you are, where you were from, what your likes and dislikes are. There was a deep sense of satisfaction with the relationship – that is why it continued. You liked who they were and you enjoyed being known by them.

But then something happens. We get to a certain level and the pursuit of depth ends. We stop sharing feeling, likes, and dislikes. We stop sharing joys and dreams and fears. Instead, we settle into routine. The daily grind takes over and we stop knowing one another and we simply exist together. Now don’t get me wrong, every time you get together doesn’t have to be deep. Remember, I am the one who advocates in the previous paragraphs just having plain old fun sometimes. But there is a need for regular times of intimate connection where we go deeper with others.

This is particularly hard for many of the male species like myself but it is not only possible but healthy and needed! If we want to have the kinds of relationship we were made to have, we have to open ourselves up to having others know us and for us to know others.

True meaningful relationships come when we are loved and accepted for whom we are at our core, not simply for acting the right way in our relationships so as to keep the other person in it.

Think about the relationships you would like to see improvement in. Take some time in the coming weeks and months to spend time just talking and getting to a deeper level in your relationship. Specifically, let the other person deeper into your world. You can’t force the other person to be more intimate and you certainly can’t say, “Let’s get together and have an intimate conversation,” because that would be too contrived. But you can make a decision for yourself that you will let others into your world. Perhaps this will be the catalyst for them doing the same.

You can guard yourself from intimacy but then you won’t go much deeper and you will feel a longing in your heart for more, or you can begin the deepening process and see your relationships change for the better.

Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

The most meaningful relationships we have are those that are held together by a common purpose and vision for what the relationship can accomplish, not only for those involved but also for a greater good.

Let’s face it, when people have a common purpose they feel like they are part of a team and they feel bound together in that relationship. Even when people may be disappointed in the people they are in relationship with, if they have a purpose, such as raising the children, they are much more likely to stick it out. Purpose creates bonds.

So what happens if we are proactively involved in seeking out a common purpose with those who we want to have a relationship with or those who we already have a relationship with but we would like to see it go deeper with? Well, it gets better and stronger.

Think about your strongest relationships. Aren’t they centered around at least one area of purpose or a common goal?

What about a relationship that has cooled? Think back and see if perhaps you used to have a common purpose but it has gone by the wayside.

And what of your desire to see a relationship grow? Take some time to begin to cultivate a common purpose. Sit down with that person and tell them that you would like to have some common goals, some purposes that you pursue together. As you develop these, you will see your relationship strengthen in ways you never imagined!

Let’s recap: You want your relationships to show a little “zip?” Then put a little Z.I.P. in them:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships. Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

Chris Widener is an Internationally recognized speaker, author and radio host. He has authored over 450 articles and nine books, including a New York Times and Wall Street Journal Best-seller. He has produced over 85 CDs and DVDs on leadership, motivation and success In addition to being a featured contributing editor to the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan, Chris is a regular guest speaker receiving rave reviews! Chris demonstrates a style that is engaging and versatile while providing life-changing principles of leadership, motivation and success.

Read my latest articles on When You Kiss the One You Love and do check out my website for my other relationships tips .

Key Points Of Relationship

Friday, August 13th, 2010

Yes this is rather exaggerated, however it demonstrates the idea that as professionals in the field of therapy, we often seek complex theories, techniques, and strategies to more effectively treat our consumers. A large amount of our precious time is spent seeking new theories and techniques to treat clients; evidence for this statement is shown by the thousands of theories and techniques that have been created to treat clients seeking therapy.

The fact that theories are being created and the field is growing is absolutely magnificent; however we may be searching for something that has always been right under our nose. Clinicians often enjoy analyzing and making things more intricate that they actually are; when in reality what works is rather simple. This basic and uncomplicated ingredient for successful therapy is what will be explored in this article. This ingredient is termed the therapeutic relationship. Some readers may agree and some may disagree, however the challenge is to be open minded and remember the consequences of “contempt prior to investigation”.

Any successful therapy is grounded in a continuous strong, genuine therapeutic relationship or more simply put by Rogers, the “Helping Relationship”. Without being skilled in this relationship, no techniques are likely to be effective. You are free to learn, study, research and labor over CBT, DBT, EMDR, RET, and ECT as well as attending infinite trainings on these and many other techniques, although without mastering the art and science of building a therapeutic relationship with your client, therapy will not be effective. You can even choose to spend thousands of dollars on a PhD, PsyD, Ed.D, and other advanced degrees, which are not being put down, however if you deny the vital importance of the helping relationship you will again be unsuccessful. Rogers brilliantly articulated this point when he said, “Intellectual training and the acquiring of information has, I believe many valuable results–but, becoming a therapist is not one of those results (1957).”

This author will attempt to articulate what the therapeutic relationship involves; questions clinicians can ask themselves concerning the therapeutic relationship, as well as some empirical literature that supports the importance of the therapeutic relationship. Please note that therapeutic relationship, therapeutic alliance, and helping relationship will be used interchangeably throughout this article.

Characteristic of the Therapeutic Relationship

The therapeutic relationship has several characteristics; however the most vital will be presented in this article. The characteristics may appear to be simple and basic knowledge, although the constant practice and integration of these characteristic need to be the focus of every client that enters therapy. The therapeutic relationship forms the foundation for treatment as well as large part of successful outcome. Without the helping relationship being the number one priority in the treatment process, clinicians are doing a great disservice to clients as well as to the field of therapy as a whole.

The following discussion will be based on the incredible work of Carl Rogers concerning the helping relationship. There is no other psychologist to turn to when discussing this subject, than Dr. Rogers himself. His extensive work gave us a foundation for successful therapy, no matter what theory or theories a clinician practices. Without Dr. Rogers outstanding work, successful therapy would not be possible.

Rogers defines a helping relationship as , ” a relationship in which one of the participants intends that there should come about , in one or both parties, more appreciation of, more expression of, more functional use of the latent inner resources of the individual ( 1961).” There are three characteristics that will be presented that Rogers states are essential and sufficient for therapeutic change as well as being vital aspects of the therapeutic relationship (1957). In addition to these three characteristics, this author has added two final characteristic that appear to be effective in a helping relationship.

1. Therapist’s genuineness within the helping relationship. Rogers discussed the vital importance of the clinician to “freely and deeply” be himself. The clinician needs to be a “real” human being. Not an all knowing, all powerful, rigid, and controlling figure. A real human being with real thoughts, real feelings, and real problems (1957). All facades should be left out of the therapeutic environment. The clinician must be aware and have insight into him or herself. It is important to seek out help from colleagues and appropriate supervision to develop this awareness and insight. This specific characteristic fosters trust in the helping relationship. One of the easiest ways to develop conflict in the relationship is to have a “better than” attitude when working with a particular client.

2. Unconditional positive regard. This aspect of the relationship involves experiencing a warm acceptance of each aspect of the clients experience as being a part of the client. There are no conditions put on accepting the client as who they are. The clinician needs to care for the client as who they are as a unique individual. One thing often seen in therapy is the treatment of the diagnosis or a specific problem. Clinicians need to treat the individual not a diagnostic label. It is imperative to accept the client for who they are and where they are at in their life. Remember diagnoses are not real entities, however individual human beings are.

3. Empathy. This is a basic therapeutic aspect that has been taught to clinicians over and over again, however it is vital to be able to practice and understand this concept. An accurate empathetic understanding of the client’s awareness of his own experience is crucial to the helping relationship. It is essential to have the ability to enter the clients “private world” and understand their thoughts and feelings without judging these (Rogers, 1957).

4. Shared agreement on goals in therapy. Galileo once stated, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can just help him to find it within himself.” In therapy clinicians must develop goals that the client would like to work on rather than dictate or impose goals on the client. When clinicians have their own agenda and do not cooperate with the client, this can cause resistance and a separation in the helping relationship (Roes, 2002). The fact is that a client that is forced or mandated to work on something he has no interest in changing, may be compliant for the present time; however these changes will not be internalized. Just think of yourself in your personal life. If you are forced or coerced to work on something you have no interest in, how much passion or energy will you put into it and how much respect will you have for the person doing the coercing. You may complete the goal; however you will not remember or internalize much involved in the process.

5. Integrate humor in the relationship. In this authors own clinical experience throughout the years, one thing that has helped to establish a strong therapeutic relationship with clients is the integration of humor in the therapy process. It appears to teach clients to laugh at themselves without taking life and themselves too serious. It also allows them to see the therapist as a down to earth human being with a sense of humor. Humor is an excellent coping skill and is extremely healthy to the mind, body, and spirit. Try laughing with your clients. It will have a profound effect on the relationship as well as in your own personal life.

Before delving into the empirical literature concerning this topic, it is important to present some questions that Rogers recommends (1961) asking yourself as a clinician concerning the development of a helping relationship. These questions should be explored often and reflected upon as a normal routine in your clinical practice. They will help the clinician grow and continue to work at developing the expertise needed to create a strong therapeutic relationship and in turn the successful practice of therapy.

1. Can I be in some way which will be perceived by the client as trustworthy, dependable, or consistent in some deep sense?

2. Can I be real? This involves being aware of thoughts and feelings and being honest with yourself concerning these thoughts and feelings. Can I be who I am? Clinicians must accept themselves before they can be real and accepted by clients.

3. Can I let myself experience positive attitudes toward my client – for example warmth, caring, respect) without fearing these? Often times clinicians distance themselves and write it off as a “professional” attitude; however this creates an impersonal relationship. Can I remember that I am treating a human being, just like myself?

4. Can I give the client the freedom to be who they are?

5. Can I be separate from the client and not foster a dependent relationship?

6. Can I step into the client’s private world so deeply that I lose all desire to evaluate or judge it?

7. Can I receive this client as he is? Can I accept him or her completely and communicate this acceptance?

8. Can I possess a non-judgmental attitude when dealing with this client?

9. Can I meet this individual as a person who is becoming, or will I be bound by his past or my past?

Empirical Literature

There are obviously too many empirical studies in this area to discuss in this or any brief article, however this author would like to present a summary of the studies throughout the years and what has been concluded.

Horvath and Symonds (1991) conducted a Meta analysis of 24 studies which maintained high design standards, experienced therapists, and clinically valid settings. They found an effect size of .26 and concluded that the working alliance was a relatively robust variable linking therapy process to outcomes. The relationship and outcomes did not appear to be a function of type of therapy practiced or length of treatment.

Another review conducted by Lambert and Barley (2001), from Brigham Young University summarized over one hundred studies concerning the therapeutic relationship and psychotherapy outcome. They focused on four areas that influenced client outcome; these were extra therapeutic factors, expectancy effects, specific therapy techniques, and common factors/therapeutic relationship factors. Within these 100 studies they averaged the size of contribution that each predictor made to outcome. They found that 40% of the variance was due to outside factors, 15% to expectancy effects, 15% to specific therapy techniques, and 30% of variance was predicted by the therapeutic relationship/common factors. Lambert and Barley (2001) concluded that, “Improvement in psychotherapy may best be accomplished by learning to improve ones ability to relate to clients and tailoring that relationship to individual clients.”

One more important addition to these studies is a review of over 2000 process-outcomes studies conducted by Orlinsky, Grave, and Parks (1994), which identified several therapist variables and behaviors that consistently demonstrated to have a positive impact on treatment outcome. These variables included therapist credibility, skill, empathic understanding, affirmation of the client, as well as the ability to engage the client and focus on the client’s issues and emotions.

Finally, this author would like to mention an interesting statement made by Schore (1996). Schore suggests “that experiences in the therapeutic relationship are encoded as implicit memory, often effecting change with the synaptic connections of that memory system with regard to bonding and attachment. Attention to this relationship with some clients will help transform negative implicit memories of relationships by creating a new encoding of a positive experience of attachment.” This suggestion is a topic for a whole other article, however what this suggests is that the therapeutic relationship may create or recreate the ability for clients to bond or develop attachments in future relationships.

Read my latest articles on Share a Bit of Your Soul When You Kiss the One You Love and do check out my website for my other relationships articles .

Why You Should Floss On A Daily Basis

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Flossing is a habit that is really good to get into, but it can be pretty hard to get started and stick with it.

One of the things you will have to work through in the beginning is that you will have to deal with some tenderness and soreness afterwards for a few days as your mouth toughens up a little bit.

Learning to incorporate a lifetime of flossing is a great habit to start learning for a number of reasons.

There are a lot of reasons that flossing is a good idea, and here are just a few:

When you floss you are getting in between teeth and gums and digging out all the food particles that can lead to all sorts of dental problems.

Toothbrushes are much more advanced than they used to be, but that does not mean you can skip flossing. No brush can get to the places that dental floss can, so it will always be important.

Everyday we should floss at least once, and dentists agree that this is a good practice to develop. If it is practical, you can even floss after each meal for ideal oral cleanliness.

You can get online and go to You Tube and find numerous videos that will show you how to floss your teeth and gums the right way. But to put it in a nutshell, you will be getting in and around your gums and getting all the gunk that accumulates over the course of the day.

If you want, you can also just go to the dentist and they can show you what the right way to floss is. It is not hard to do, but sometimes a little tutorial can help out a lot. Once you get it down, your oral health will improve and your mouth will be clean and fresh every time.

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International Internet Dating Mail Order Brides and Husbands …

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

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weight Loss Could be Easier with Low-Calorie Sweeteners

Monday, July 26th, 2010

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healthy blogging: You presented useful insight in why weight

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

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Ways To Sweep Your Man Off His Feet

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

So hands up all those that thought that men were the only ones that could sweep women off their feet? Well you are wrong I’m afraid, there are lots of women that are doing it to their loved ones too and it is far more romantic than your standard box of chocolates or bunch of flowers ideas that e seem to come up with.

For starters some of the women have arranged an impromptu break away for their love ones.

This is so easy for them to do now thanks to the power of the internet. Everything is there from the booking of the flight to the booking of the hotel room. The only thing that the woman has to do is to make sure that her man turns yup when he is told.

This should be just the thing for winning over her man. The thought of an impromptu break away is enough to get anybody excited. But if you find that time off may be an issue then there are other things that may help such as dedicating a song to your man friend.

Take him out to one of your local bars that host Karaoke evenings and then get up and sing a son dedicated just to him. If you do not have any money worries you could even go one better and book a private party for him and do a live performance with a backing group.

If all else fails you could always start leaving little love notes all around the house with the post it’s that you have in the home.

It may not be the most inventive way of doing things but it certainly works. The trick is to leave them in some places where he would least expect to see them as this would make him even more surprised.

So guys, you must agree that these few examples are a little bit more creative ways to sweep the loved ones off their feet! It just goes to show that a little ingenuity can go a long way.

Besides relationship advice, this author also frequently pens articles on the wedding engagement photography and engravable cufflinks.